Google Analytics Alternative CSS

君に捧ぐ(2009/10/1)

Posted by ミツコ (MITSUKO) on 15.2014 0 comments 0 trackback

*******************************

(Japanese)


『君に捧ぐ』


お骨ならぬ　
君の灰を抱いたとき
それはあたたかだった

１０センチ四方
厚さ５センチほどの
紙の箱におさまり

ブラウンの紙で
君はちゃんと
包装されていた

表には ラベルが一枚　
君の名前が
フルネームで　タイプされ　

斎場の名まえと　
火葬された日時が記されていた


マンハッタンから
さらに車で４、５時間

オールバニーの
おねえさんの家で　
初めて対面した　 君の灰は
予想に反して　
ずいぶん重かった


長い長い闘いの末　
モルヒネさえも打たずに　
眠るようにして　逝った君


ガンだと告げられてから　
以前あれほど頑なに
子どもは　いらないと
言っていたのに

「治ったら　子どもをつくろうね」
と言い出した



神父さんが　
草原に　宝石箱を埋めるように

君はいま　深く深く
土に　還っていく


アイラブユーと　
言われるたびに　

なかば条件反射的に
"I love you, too."　と
微笑み返してはいたが

人を愛することとは　
こういうことなのかと

その温かな
溢れる想いと　さびしさで
胸がつぶれそうに　なりながら

レンガ一個分になった
君のからだを
地に帰る　その瞬間まで　
固く　抱きしめてあげた


最初　抱いたときの　
あたたかさは
数分後　再び抱いたときには　
もうなかった

同じことを思った　母が
ミツコが　来るのを
待ってたんだね
と　しみじみ言った


左くすり指から　
指輪をはずし
わたしは　大切に
ポケットにしまうと

君の眠る丘を　あとに　
日本へと　帰国していった



ミツコ 　(1999.5.15)




***************************

To My Beloved


You were so warm
when I first held you.

You were so small to fit
in a box wrapped by brown paper neatly,
about four-inches square and two-inches thick.

There was a label on it:
your full name was typed
and I could know where and when
you were cremated.

After a several-hour car ride from Manhattan,
I finally got to see you
at my sister-in-law's house
in upstate New York,
your ashes were very very heavy,
much heavier than I imagined.

Refusing to take any medication or treatment
that could have relieved your pain like morphine,
you passed away in your sleep
after long long fierce battles with cancer.

You used to say so firmly
that we were not going to have kids,

but after being diagnosed with cancer,
you started to say sadly
that you would want to
start a family after recovering.


It's as if the priest buried you
in a small jewelry box
in the grass field.


Every time you said to me, "I love you,"
I smiled back, saying "I love you too,"
almost like a conditioned reflex.

But now I realized that
this is what loving someone is all about.

As my heart was going to burst out
with full of warmth and sadness,
I held you so tight who now weigh as much as a brick
until the very last moment of returning to the earth.

Minutes later, there was no more warmness
which I felt when I first held you.

My mother who felt the same way told me,
"He must have been waiting for you to come."

I took off a ring from my wedding finger,
and put it in my pocket so gently
I left the hill where your soul now rests in peace,
and had gone back to Japan.



MITSUKO


**********************************

★書き続けていく大きな励みになります。
↓ 応援クリック、どうぞよろしくお願いします♪

にほんブログ村 ポエムブログ 英語詩へ
にほんブログ村

人気ブログランキングへ



▲ top

When The Most Frightening Thing I Ever Imagined Happened

Posted by ミツコ (MITSUKO) on 02.2009 0 comments

On April 22, 1998, my late husband Frederic was
diagnosed with terminal colon cancer and told that
he might have less than six months to live.
He was only 43 years old. I was devastated
that the most frightening thing I ever imagined
was happening.

After my father died when I was eight, I never ever
wanted to be left behind. I used to tell Frederic that
I wanted to die before him; but when I heard the
doctor's diagnosis my ardent wish had to be swept
under the carpet.

Frederic lived his life to the fullest and passed away
peacefully after a one-year battle with cancer.
I did not have any regrets because I had done
everything that I could do. What I have learned
from the incident is that life goes on, even if my
beloved person is gone forever and I must live.

When the most frightening thing I could think of
really happened, it could have shattered me completely.
But it did not. Instead, I learned that it was my choice
how to react and how to face the reality.

When I overcame what I had been scared of,
I gained the deep confidence and assurance
that no matter what happens I would be all right.

Frederic used to tell me that FEAR stands for
"False Evidence Appears Real." Life is but a span,
and too short to be scared of such illusions.
▲ top
HOME
▲ top